This is a shitty shitty day!...

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Today has been a really shitty day. One of those days where nothing majorly goes wrong, but an array of minor things start to clock up and you slowly fall deeper and deeper into the dark pit of despair, where you seriously question your motives for choosing to embark on a backpacking adventure in the first place. A day when you end up unable to anything much but fight the tears from falling.

This is how I feel right now - the last 24 hours have taken their toll and all I feel like doing is crying myself into a deep sleep and praying that I miraculously wake up refreshed and able to carry on with all this... a new day... which somehow I always manage to do. Backpacking is not a glamorous affair - very far from it. But of course, only the best stories are shared, and only the best looking photos put onto facebook... So maybe it's time I write a blog about how shit it can all be too. Not necessarily due to bad things happening, but those days when you simply feel tired, stressed, and bothered. Karlos and I have been backpacking, continuously, for almost 5 months now. That's pretty hard going - and it's bound to have it's up and downs... So...

This is a shit day in the life of a backpacker:

It started last night. I couldn't sleep a wink. God knows why, as I sure as hell was exhausted. Despite it being hot and humid, as usual, the ceiling fan was giving me goosebumps. But I couldn't turn it off as the heat would most definitely have been worse. There was a very big storm going on outside, and every now and then I heard a loud thud - something falling outside - just as I was on the brink of slumber. At one point I got up to use the toilet, and on the way back saw a lizard on it's way into our bed. How on earth I was going to sleep after that - god only knew. Of course I didn't - one eye open all night, and listening for any shuffle shuffle of tiny lizardy feet. Also - the bed was full of sand, as it had been every night, due to our bungalow being on the beach. Sp not quite as romantic as it sounds.

We had to get up at 7am, despite no sleep, in order to get to the ferry pier in time - we'd booked a ferry from Koh Phangan to take us back to Bangkok. I felt like crap waking up - like I was coming down with a cold. And cursed myself as I walked out of the resort - why on earth I need a backpack weighing 25kilos I don't know. We paid the 150 baht (NZ$8) for the tuktuk to take us to the pier - 2 MINUTES down the road. Far out it has started to irritate me. The locals here see we have white skin and assume we are rich - therefore grossly over-charging and taking advantage of our money at every opportunity. $8 for two minutes in a taxi is extortionate even in NZ. But the overhanging guilt of - they are a lot worse off than we are - travels along with us.. EVEN THOUGH I had to contact my bank the other day as I realised I had just $300 to live on for another 6 weeks - but whatever - take my money you effing tout.

At the ferry pier we were the first to arrive - I bought an overpriced, shitty cheese sandwich, and we then sat and waited whilst the rest of the travellers arrived. A good hundred of us. Despite being the first at the pier, we somehow managed to be the very last on the boat - and no seats were left. We went to the top deck when couples were selfishly straddling benches, which resulted in Karlos standing and me sitting on the floor for a good hour. Asian girls stood right next to me, as they posed for photos, their stupid long skirts blowing up into my face and I'm thinking "hello - fuck off!" The quinessential italian tourist arrives, 2 kids in tow, glaring at people on benches and pointing at them whilst speaking in italian, as if this gesture is enough to indicate she is more entitled to this seat than they are. "Hello lady - fuck off." Yeah - not having a good day.

Karlos insisted on drinking our last bottle of rum last night, to save room in our backpacks - so he is terribly hungover and having a crap day too. I know this because neither of us are talking.

Things slightly improve at the first stop - hoards of the irritating travellers disembark - meaning the upper deck is now almost empty and we score a bench. We spent the next 1.5 hours sitting in the sun, cruising through the Thai Gulf, thinking we'd be in Bangkok again before we know it - not too shabby a way to travel... 12 hours on a boat... this day may just improve.

Think again - after 2 hours on the boat everyone has to disembark and our journey to Bangkok was to continue by bus. WHAT! We had paid good money to travel by "high-speed catamaran" from Koh Phangan to Bangkok - at NO point in our booking we were given information that 3/4 of the journey would be by bus. But we had no choice but to get off, albeit pissed off - so we went to the bottom deck to collect our bags. "Go out and go around to the other side" one of the boatsmen told us. So we got off the boat, walked to the other side, and then stood for about 10 minutes waiting for everyone else to get off with their bags... as clearly we were the only ones given this instruction and were going against the flow. We were the to collect our luggage and then had to walk about a 500m along a rickety old pier that looked as though it would strain under my weight - let alone with an additional 25kilos of luggage on my back. This is retarded. I said. Loudly. Thailand was beginning to piss me right off.

We waited for our bus - sitting in the sunshine, looking out over the green, blue, alluring waters of the thai gulf - and all I could feel was miserable. I was in paradise - but I was miserable. Watching all of the poor dogs wander around - reminding me that I was still to find a dog with an owner, still to find a dog that didn't have mange - and I just didn't feel like it was paradise at all. We had paid for a boat all the way to Bangkok dammit - and now we had to get on a bloody bus. The fact that the bus was comfortable, clean, air-conditioned, with a TV showing the latest movies - didn't improve my mood - it was too late. I wished we were in our own car - I was not in the mood for the extremely loud-speaking germans behind us. The japanese man opposite who breathed unbelievably loudly and in a ridiculous one-in three-out rhythm, nor was I in the mood for those french people standing outside the bus toilet and only budging when I insisted. I am fed up of travelling with people who seek to optimise their own comfort at the expense of others - those that recline their seats so far back, without even looking over their shoulder first to see if you are leaning forward - that sort of shit.

After a few hours on the bus we got to a rest stop, with a food court - the type where you select your meal by pointing to the most apetising tray and praying it isn't dog, and then realising you need an entire box of kleenex to blow your nose into afterwards, as it was quite possibly was the hottest curry in the world. You go to the toilet and then remember that thai people NEVER have toilet roll in there - and you take one look at the bum gun (a device like a garden hose you use to wash your bum with after doing your business and you think - I'd rather just pee my pants. You get back onto the bus - even more disgruntled.

Another couple of hours later we got to Bangkok - at LAST - arriving only to then face a bunch of taxi drivers who literally stand in the doorway, preventing you from stepping off the bus. There is the insessant "taxi taxi where you go?" And by this stage you just want to scream at them, and punch that heifer german tourist who deliberately whacked you with her bag as you didn't immediately jump aside as she came by. Bitch.

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And so, here I am - sitting in a hotel room that quite possibly has the rudest reception staff in the world, after yet another taxi driver overcharged us to get here. A hotel that charged us more than our last, yet has no breakfast, no internet, no laundry room, nothing. I have just had a nice WARM shower (my first for almost 2 weeks after only cold ones), washed my hair (heaven), and then realised I have no hairbrush - so the tangles remain. I'm also aware that I have no clean undies for tomorrow and will need to get to an ATM before I can go to a laundrette, or indeed do anything. My cold is worse, and Karlos has just asked me: "what are the symptoms of malaria again... flu like?"... shit. I just want this day to be over!!...

To be honest, we've had plenty of bumps in our journey - most of which we have embraced with good humour and a positive attitude. The tough times, after all, are often some of the best experiences to look back on. Feelings of acomplishment, of pride in your ability to deal with stuff... and these are also the days that remind you why you chose to travel: to learn more about the world, other cultures, and yourself. To gain experiences that you simply wouldn't have if you stayed in one place - not taking a step out of your comfort zone. Travelling can open your mind and make you a more resilient person - but of course none of this would be possible without the challenges.

But today wasn't like that. Nothing bad happened at all. It was simply one of those days that I found hard. Really hard. I simply couldn't be calm, patient, nor strong today. Where the funny ways of this strange place got to me - where rude travellers from other nations bothered me - and where you couldn't even go to the toilet without it being foreign. But on these days you remember the other great reason for travelling... to simply remind yourself that: 'there is no place like home.'

I know I have had a weak day, but tomorrow I will be back on form. So I will let the tears fall, and let my travel partner, my life partner, kiss me on the forehead and say nothing but hold my hand - knowing nothing really does need to be said. And I will fall asleep feeling sorry for myself - missing all of my family in England, and my life in New Zealand... and tomorrow I will wake up feeling better. Strong again. Looking forward to the new day, another 6 weeks of travelling, and a home waiting for me back in New Zealand when I return.

Peace and love to you all,

~ Comet xo